I think that it's important to add a third element to ponder. If I'm in a conflict with someone and THEY hit a painful spot in me, do I shut down? Do I strike back? Do I ignore it?
Thank you for adding this. It matters how we respond when we’re the one hurting, too. Speaking the truth in love gives us room to say, “That touched a painful place in me. I know you may not have meant to hurt me, but I’d like to help you understand.” We can be honest about the wound and still be gentle with the person who touched it. If we need a little time before we can do that, it’s okay to say so. And if the hurt is deliberate or repeated, love still leaves room for a firm boundary. You don’t have to hide your pain to respond lovingly.
I think that it's important to add a third element to ponder. If I'm in a conflict with someone and THEY hit a painful spot in me, do I shut down? Do I strike back? Do I ignore it?
Thank you for adding this. It matters how we respond when we’re the one hurting, too. Speaking the truth in love gives us room to say, “That touched a painful place in me. I know you may not have meant to hurt me, but I’d like to help you understand.” We can be honest about the wound and still be gentle with the person who touched it. If we need a little time before we can do that, it’s okay to say so. And if the hurt is deliberate or repeated, love still leaves room for a firm boundary. You don’t have to hide your pain to respond lovingly.